In My Defense, I'm Just Incredibly Lazy

Last night, I woke up in a cold sweat because I realized that it's been over a year since my last post.  And Blogger has a reputation for deleting my blog if I haven't posted in a while... looking at you, tech who deleted "Life Is Nuts" and therefore made it as though 2005-2010 never even happened.

I'm not exactly sure how long Blogger's "Hasn't Posted Shit So Let's Delete" time frame is.  A year?  18 months? So at 3 a.m., I asked myself what I would do if the blog had been deleted? Sue?  Murder?  Curl up into the fetal position under the coffee table and blame the world for my year-long writers block?  Because I'm pretty sure it was spring of 2015 when I last posted.  And how pathetic is that?  What, like NOTHING interesting has happened since then?  Are you kidding me?  I now have a 5 and 6 year old, an elected official for a spouse, have helped launch a new non-profit, am incoming President for the Junior League of Ogden AND have made a resolution to write a book this year.

YEA. A book. Can't find time to write a blog post about The Bean's 5th birthday, but sure... I'm gonna write a book this year.

So, in an effort to make sure the blog doesn't get deleted - and maybe play a little catch-up on my life - here we are.  Mother's Day, 2016.  I'm currently sitting in my favorite coffee shop, drinking my favorite coffee drink which is not really coffee according to most human beings... and borderlines on candy bar status... but you can just go ahead and shove it if you think I care at all what you think about it.

And yes... I'm at the coffee shop sans kids on Mother's Day.  Because that's exactly what I need right now.  Something that's JUST for me.  Not them.  And I'm not going to lie, it's effing glorious.  Second only to a massage... but until Utah gets its shit together and has something open on Sunday besides a coffee shop for us heathens, this will have to do.

Since spring of 2015, a lot has happened.  The Benny was elected to City Council (despite the political liability that is yours truly). Being involved with a campaign is... well, SUPER weird.  You know what I DON'T like?  Seeing our last name all over town.  You know what I dislike even more?  People treating us differently because of our last name now.  You all should know by now that even if he was elected President of the Universe, I'm still the same chick who peed down her leg during the bike portion of a triathlon in St. George... and I'm PROUD of it.  And will TOTALLY bring up uncomfortable topics like that at any time and in any place.  Including a fancy art auction .  So you're probably gonna need to adjust your expectations.

The Bird turned 6 and started Kindergarten.  She was so excited the first day when she put on her uniform and went to class.  And THAT totally got old for her aboooouuutttt day 4.  "You mean I have to wear a uniform EVERY. SINGLE. DAY?"  

I keep waiting for her to figure out that this is like... a  thing.  But here we are.  Two weeks left of school and she STILL hasn't accepted it.  Maybe next year.

One of the things that has been tough for us this year with The Bird is that she already took Kindergarten at a private school last year.  So, she was a bit overqualified for the class and was really bored at the beginning of the year.  But, she was allowed to work at her level and things changed for the better.  Somewhat.  I mean, she lied about not having homework more than once... and seriously? What Kindergartener does that? But despite those little hiccups, I have to give props to the YMCA after school program that she attends, which helps her with her homework so that our evenings when we get home are only filled with fights over what we're serving for dinner ("Chicken nuggets, again???") and whether or not she has to wear her uniform to school tomorrow. 

The Bean entered private Kindergarten this year and OMG, has this kid flourished.  We had to get special permission to put her in the class because she didn't turn 5 until February.  We were never concerned about the academic part of it... rather, we were worried about her maturity and temperment with the older kids.  Turns out?  Not so much of a problem and her maturity has reflected the kids that she is around.  (Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse.  Like marriage.)

For being the youngest, she's kicking ass.  She's currently neck and neck with another little girl in class for having read the most books.  And because she's exact opposite of The Bird in every way, she absolutely devours her homework every night.  Where often we would have to take 2-3 days for The Bird to focus enough to do her homework before a butterfly flitted by and SQUIRREL!, The Bean is alllllll about making sure her homework gets done in one night.  And then the next night, she's all:  "But I don't have ANY homework and I WANT more homework!" She's a little sick in the head, but at least she's not lying about having homework.

This year, we also became likely the only parents in the history of AYSO soccer to lie about their kid's age to get her to play up a level with her sister.  Our reasons were fully practical:  10% because she's pretty athletic and 90% because we didn't want to have to go to two soccer practices and two soccer games every Saturday.  Because at the end of the day, it really is just all about us.  And she loves it.  And when her sister isn't scoring all the goals because she's a freakin' gazelle who sometimes gets distracted by SQUIRREL!, she then gets a chance to score some goals and runs down the field like so: 

And no.  We didn't teach her that. 

And no.  We don't encourage that type of behavior.

 But... YAAASSS!!

This year has been rather challenging for me personally.  I often feel as though I'm just barely holding my shit together and life is just going to fast right now.  And it feels like all it takes is one ill-advised comment from someone and I'm going to either murder them outright, or burst into tears.  Luckily, neither has happened... but it's been close a couple of times.

For the most part, I try to stay positive and optimistic when things don't go as expected or shit hits the proverbial fan.  But when your bucket is already empty because you were up until 1 a.m. writing an email to send out to campaign supporters, your travel schedule has you gone almost every-other-week, the kiddos fought over who got more milk in their Cheerios that morning and you've got 3 deadlines in the next 4 days that you're not ready for?  It gets tough.

Parenthood is not for the weak.  And I fail every. single. day.  I actually think that's pretty healthy.  Within reason.  I mean, today I read about a mom who kept her 3 and 4 year-old's chained in the front yard in San Antonio which is off the scale FAIL.

No, my fails are a bit more mild, but nonetheless confidence shaking.  To give you an idea of what I'm talking about, here are a few key talking points from my running list.

JAYNEE'S SAMPLE LIST OF 2015-16 MOMMY FAILS

• When we haven't gone grocery shopping in weeks and all we legit have in the house are Eggos and when we feed your kids Eggos to the point that they don't want Eggos anymore... maybe we've fed them too much Eggos and we should buy some mother-effing meat, fruit and veggies so their bones don't get brittle and break when they play soccer?
• Dropping the F-bomb when I think they're not around.  Here's a secret about having kids that no one ever tells you:  THEY'RE ALWAYS AROUND.
• Yelling at the kids to stop yelling.  Yea... I HEARD IT.
• Taking The Bean up the ski-mountain that she wasn't ready for... and having to ask ski-patrol to take her down in the sled with me following behind.  
• Not insisting at looking at the toe The Bird said was hurting, but wouldn't let me look at... only to wake up a few days later and discover it was infected.  With strep.  In my defense, who knew THAT was a thing?

So, yea... it's been a good year.  And at least I've bought myself another year before I get deleted.  Who knows... maybe this will be the start of continuous blogging.

Not likely, but it's a nice thought.