Talking To My Kids - 2012

Because I had kids and turned into a fuzzy-brained stereotype of a mom who can't remember what she ate for dinner the night before (but can somehow remember a well-child check made months in advance), I know that I'm not going to be able to remember little details like the conversations I have with the girls these days.  And let's be honest,with a not-quite-3-year-old and an 18-month old, yea.... I'm going to want to remember some of the funny times instead of looking back at it 10 years from now, cringing and thinking to myself:  "That was haaarrrddd.  WHAT WERE WE THINKING?"

Because honestly?  Even with all of the hard work involved in parenting these two at this age... the good always outweighs the bad.  But, it's human nature to remember the bad first.

And with that, I present to you:

Conversations with an "Awmost Free"-Year-Old:

"I POOPED IN DA WOODS!" 
"I know you did!  Good job!"
"Don't walk through it, okay?"
"Noted."

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"We don't say that word."
"What word?"
"We don't say f**k."
Distracted as I'm wresting Millie into her diaper..."Hmm...what word don't we say?"
"F**K. We don't say f**k! That's big trouble bad word. So, we don't say f**k."

Stunned silence. And then:

"You're right sweetie. We don't say that word. Promise mommy you won't ever say that word ever again."

Benny looking at me with a smirk: "And we certainly won't ask you to repeat the word you're not supposed to say ever again."

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"Mama... whassat?"

"What's what?"

"Dat!  On your neck!"

Driving the car so I cannot look, only feel:  "I don't know.... oh, I think it's a... it's a zit."

"A zit?"

"Yep.  A pimple on my neck."

"Oh."

"How in the world did you see that from the back seat?"

"Huh?"

"Nevermind."

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"Boogers, boogers, boogers, BOOGERS!!!"

"Honey, we don't say that word unless you have a booger on your finger and then we get a wipe... do you have a booger on your finger..... Hazel!! Uh-uh! We do not eat our boogers! Fingers out of your mouth!!! ICKY!!!"

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"Mama!  There are dinosaurs in my woom!"

"There are?"

"Yea!!  Day need to go owside and pway"

"You're right."

Silence

"I need you to go tell dem dat, okay?"

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"Do you promise to stay in bed tonight?"

"Yes.  Cuz if I don't, you gonna pop my pimple, huh?"

Keeping a straight face....

"Yes.  You don't want me to pop your pimple, right?"

"Nuh-uh.  So I gonna stay in bed."

"Okay.  I love you."

"I wuv you, toooooo...."

As I walk out of the room: "Don't pop my pimple, okay?"

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Overheard in the backseat on the way home from a visit to the grandparents:

"Miwweee... don't do dat, okay?"

"Dat!"

"Cuz if you do, I gonna pop your pimple."

"Dat!"

"And you be in big, big twouble and have a talkin' to."

 

Conversations with an 18-Month-Old:

"Millie, are you done with dinner?"

"No."

"Are you sure?  Cuz you're standing up in your chair. And throwing grapes at your sister."

"No."

"Okay... well I think you're done.  Let me take your plate."

"NOOOO!!"

"Oh?  You want more food?"

"No."

"So you don't want more food?

"No!!"

"Millie, would you like cake for dessert?"

"No."
"Really?  Well... do you want it for breakfast?"

"No."

"Okay then.... just remember that I once made the offer and you turned it down."

"No!"

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"Bee-bee!  Bee-bee!  Bee-bee!"

"Let's go find your baby."

"Bee-bee!  Bee-bee!  Bee-bee!"

Baby located in the fridge. And promptly dismissed. 

"BEE-BEE!  BEE-BEE!"

"What is it??"

Distraught:  "Bee-bee!  Mommy!  Bee-bee!!"

"Blankie?  Do you want your blankie?"

"BEE-BEE!!!!  BEE-BEE!!"

"Where's your blankie?"

"BEE-BEE!!!!  BEE-BEE!!"

After searching the house, locate blankie. In the garbage can.  With the diapers and fruit flies.

"Here's your blankie."

*Giggle and Snuggle* 

On a sigh: "Beeeee-beeeee!"

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"Mommy!!"

"Millie!!"

"Mommmmmyyyy!!!"

"Millllliiieeee!"
"Mom!"

"Mill!"

"MOMMMMMMYYYYY!!!"

"MILLLLLIIIIIEEEEE!!!!"

*Giggles*

Repeat until Mommy's mouth is too dry to continue speaking words. 

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"Mine!"

"No... that's not yours."

"MINE!"

"Still not yours.  Please let go."

"MMMIIIINNNNEEEE!!!"

"No, sweetie.  That's not yours.  Please give Mommy back her lip balm."

Sobbing and tears:  "MINE!!"

"Fine.  Take it."

 *Giggles*