This
is the second episode in a series of the good, the bad and the downright
beautiful moments of having children. Because none of MY girlfriends will be able to say that I didn't warn them.
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"I don't wanna go to bed!"
"You're not going to bed. You're going to take a tubby."
"And then what after the tubby?"
"Then we're going to read stories."
"And then what after we read stories?"
"Then we're going to brush our teeth."
"And then what after we brush our teeth?"
"Then we're going to read another story in bed."
"And then what after we read another story in bed?"
"Then we're going to go to bed."
"BUT I DON'T WANNA GO TO BED!!!"
In her defense, her premise never changed.
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"No, Hazel... I'm not going to go find your baby for you."
"WHY NOT?"
"Because... Mommy's off-duty this morning."
"(giggles) You said doody!"
She's totally ready for junior high.
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The easiest way to ruin a 2-year-old's life is to not let her use the ice dispenser on her own. Coincidentally, not letting the 2-year-old use the ice dispenser on her own also ruins the 36-year-old's life.
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Every morning I wake up, I think that maybe today is the day that I won't have to threaten to take away - or actually take away - The Bean's blankie because she's not listening or respecting my words. Or is outright laughing at my words and then doing exactly what I asked her not to do.
And then 5 minutes later, I'm all... "Maybe tomorrow will be the day."
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At the breakfast table:
"Poo-poo!" Giggle, giggle, giggle.
"POO-POO!" Giggle, giggle, giggle.
"Hey! What did I say about that word? We don't say that word. And we definitely don't say that word at the breakfast table. Next one who says that word goes in time-out, do you understand?"
"Yes, mama."
"Yes, mama."
As I walk towards the bedroom to finish getting dressed for the day:
"(whisper) Boo-boo."
"What did you say?"
"(softly) Boo-boo."
"With a b?"
"Yea... boo-boo."
*Blink*
"You are walking a FINE LINE, Millie."
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"Hey mama... my bummy hurts."
"Do you need to go poop?"
"Um..... YEA!"
Expect to have this conversation once a day for at least a year. Per child.
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"You never, never, never let me pick out my own clothes!!!"
"Oh really? You think I had a hand in that contraption you wore to school yesterday?"
"What's contrapshun?"
"Just put on your pants and let's go."
"NO! I WANNA WEAR MY SUNDRESS!"
"Hazel... it's 40 degrees outside. You wear a sundress to school and I go to jail."
"YOU'RE THE MEANEST MOMMY EVER!"
"Yes... but at least I'll be home to cook you dinner tonight."
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Before you make the mistake of thinking your 2YO and 3YO are old enough to watch Princess Bride, maybe your 36YO behind should watch it alone to jog your memory about what exactly is in the movie.
ROUS's? I don't think they exist.
EXCEPT THAT THEY DO. AND THEY WILL SCARE THE BEJEEZUS OUT OF YOUR KIDDOS.
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6 a.m. I open my eyes to see one of the two girls standing next to the bed. I can't tell who it is because IT'S 6 A.M.
"I wuv you, Mommy," she whispers.
I grab her, pull her into bed with me, kiss her cheek and we both fall back to sleep.
BEST. MORNING. EVER.
