Friday, December 2, 2011

Also... I Believe In Santa Claus

I'm not a particularly religious person.  But I do have a belief system. It's pretty simple. Pretty straight-forward.  Pretty ho-hum.  But, it's my belief system and if you don't like it, I've got a Toddler that's crying about her banana breaking in half, so that's really the least of my concerns.  

The list below is in no way exhaustive.  Trying to capture a belief system takes a little more than the 20 minutes I've allowed myself for "Me Time".  But, it's a good start.


I believe that you should treat others the way you would want to be treated (Golden Rule and all that crap).  I believe that video games are inherently evil and while I won't judge you (publicly)(anymore)(after this post) for playing them. (I'm just gonna leave the room... and judge you in private.)  I believe that flowers are nature's gift to us and we should always stop to smell them.  I believe that little boys AND little girls should play with bugs.  I believe that a spider is not a bug and should therefore be killed upon detection. I believe that a bouquet of dandy lions from my little girls are sweeter than any roses I'll ever receive.  I believe that chocolate is a major food group.  I believe that chocolate tastes better when you have to sneak it by  your husband and children.  I believe you should never be too far away from lip balm.  I believe that there is no need to justify wearing a ponytail. I believe that the price of kids shoes is a total scam.  I believe that one should never spend more than 20 minutes getting ready for work. I believe that the best way to read a magazine is back-to-front.  I believe that there is WAY too much reality on TV.  I believe that people should be out making their own reality.  I believe that my girls are gonna play in the mud and with frogs/fish/whathaveyou as much as they play in the kitchen and make cookies.  (If not more.)  I believe that you don't have to tear others down to feel good about yourself.  I believe that my dentist is out to get me.  I believe that I'm the strongest woman in the world.  (Unless heavy lifting is involved.)(And then it's 50-50.)   I believe that dreams can come true.  (I've had three of them come true in my life.)  I believe that if the easiest way to stop a toddler from losing her shit is to put on a Winnie the Pooh band-aid on an imaginary owie, YOU WASTE NO TIME AND GET THAT EFFER ON THE INVISIBLE SCRATCH.  I believe that my kissing an actual owie will automatically make it better... but the band-aid is still necessary.  I believe there is no greater sound on the planet than that of a child's laugh.  I believe that I probably wouldn't get as many sinus infections if I'd stop picking my nose and gnawing my nails.  (Not that I do them concurrently.) I believe that a good cry... the kind where you turn into a blubbering idiot with snot running out of your nose... the kind where you don't want any comfort because then you won't really let it out for fear of scaring whoever is doing the consoling... the kind where you have to do it in a car sitting in a store parking lot at 8 p.m. while you're waiting for a prescription because that's the only you time you're gonna get that day.... those kinds of cries are ESSENTIAL to motherhood. I believe you have to listen to your body and your soul to know what you really need.  I believe in moments of reflection.  I believe that if women were better to each other, our society would improve drastically.  I believe that children have a built-in radar that lets them know the exact moment you've stopped moving... and that's when they'll throw yogurt across the room.  I believe in the power of a good massage. (To be followed by a facial and an eyebrow wax.)(Perhaps a pedi.)  I believe that if you can't say something nice about someone's feet, you shouldn't say anything at all.  I believe that Benny needs to think about that.  I believe that one should not be judged by one's religion. One should be judged by one's blog.  (And maybe the Golden Rule.)  I believe that there is a magic fairy that will do the laundry for me.  I believe that Christmas lights are magical.  I believe that one day, I will actually be able to follow a recipe and not screw up whatever I'm cooking/baking that day.  I believe that Jon Stewart is a genius.  I believe that I can't grow roses.  (Because my mother couldn't.)(How's that for a self-fulfilling prophecy?)  I believe that we should take care of the most vulnerable and weakest among us.  I believe Fox News is not news. I believe that life without the internet is totally Third World. I believe that I could run another marathon, but have become too smart for that.  I believe that red wine is the nectar of life. I believe that smuggling such nectar in from out-of-state is appropriate.  (Not that I have done that.)(Today.) I believe that my kids are gonna love Christmas. I believe that there is nothing my children could do to make me love them less. I believe that crabgrass is demonic. I believe that the Bible is a nice story. (Some parts.) I believe that I don't need a book to tell me how to live.  I believe I certainly don't need a church to tell me how to live.  I believe that we will eventually have another dog.  I believe that dog will be very small.  (And possibly mute). I believe in surrounding yourself with good people and distancing yourself from those who are toxic. I believe everyone in your life is there for a reason. I believe that I'm too old to play basketball and that just makes me sad.  I believe that there will be snow angels and a snowman in our front yard this year... and for the next 18 or so. 

But most of all?  I believe that being a Mom is the hardest thing I will ever do.  I also believe it is the GREATEST thing I will ever do. I believe that my girls will be well-rounded and will be exposed to the arts, to travel and to sports.  I believe they will love to read books that can take them to a million different places without leaving their home.  I believe they will love each other.  I believe they will fight like cats and dogs.  I believe they will be best friends. I believe they will have great senses of humor.  I believe they will make mistakes.  I believe they will learn from those mistakes. I believe they will leave home before we know it and experience the wonder and beauty that is this world.  I believe they will do great things... they will build bridges... they will save lives... they will be leaders... they will change the world.  (They've already changed mine.)

I believe that they will be happy.  I believe that they will shine that happiness on whomever they meet.  I believe that no matter what happens in their lives, they will know that home is always a safe place.  I believe that they will never doubt how much we love them... because there's nothing that can stop that love.

Unless they end up on Fox News.  But we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.


momo said...

i believe i love you. this is beautiful and funny and so one hundred percent perfect jaynee, it makes me smile today. thank you.

oh, and motherhood? THE HARDEST THING EVER. even harder than helen or fran. or helen and fran. way, way harder. but you are doing a fabulous job, just know that.


ShesAlwaysWrite said...

Amen, soul sistah.

greyhound said...

That right there? THAT's how you blog.


I believe you should do that about once a week. k thx bai.