Tuesday, June 4, 2013


For the last year or so, we've been noticing that Hazel has been, well, kinda... OVAH her sister.  In some ways, I can't say I blame her.  I mean... Millie is on Hazel like a tick.  Anything, and I do mean ANYTHING, that Hazel says or does... Millie then says or does.  It doesn't matter if Hazel accidentally fell down while walking, Millie will stop what she's doing, walk over to the same spot, fall down and then proceed to recreate the exact same kind of drama that Hazel just dished out.

Which is why for a few months, they were introduced to strangers as Pete and Repeat.

And Hazel... well, you could tell that she'd had it. She would tell us that she just wanted to be by herself without Millie.  She would actually go into her room and shut the door and play. By herself.  Which is completely unheard of for that little girl.  She who wants Mommy and Daddy to play with her ALL THE TIME.  She who is incapable of She who had to take a trip with Daddy to Phoenix just to get some alone time.

Millie... well, she can't handle it when sissy isn't right there.  It often leads me to wonder how she would behave if she didn't have a big sister.  Would she know what to do with herself?  Would she ever know how to cry and whine to the point that Mommy's brain matter leaks out of her ears?  I mean, is that an instinct or a learned behavior? And if it's learned... who the hell taught Hazel?

But, I digress.

We have taken the girls out camping the last two weekends and statistically there was a very good chance that it would be a complete disaster what with the fighting, whining and crying, as well as the constant close proximity to each other.  To say that mentally I prepared myself for the awfulness by chewing on drywall screws and removing my eyeballs with a dull spoon would be... pretty much correct.

But a funny thing happened while playing in the woods, going on bear hunts and eating s'mores: My two little girls became besties.  Like... absolute BESTIES.

And it didn't stop when we left the campground.  They have been playing together ever since.  They dance together.  They play house together.  They giggle and laugh together. They chase around the house together.  And they are worried about each other when they are not together.

They are, in short, every mother's dream. 

And we shall go camping every weekend until they turn 21 to make sure this continues.

Sunday, June 2, 2013

Little Dictators

So many things my kids do these days are amazing to me.

And frustrating to me.

And it's in those moments of frustration that I find myself thinking that if they were 3 feet taller, it would be unacceptable and they would have zero friends and would probably be locked up in a psych ward.

And then, I bring myself back to the present and get bossed around by The Little Dictators That Live With Me.  Who laugh in my face when I tell them that I've had enough and they need to go to sleep.

Whose beautiful little minds are capable of making my ears bleed with all of their many, many... oh dear God so, so many questions.

Who forget what you told them 3 seconds ago, but can somehow remember exactly where the treats are that we bought 3 weeks ago... you know, the ones I forgot we had?

Who are capable of finding something for me to fetch for them even when I have covered my bases and finally sit down to eat.  Because mama must be... doing something.  She must be... cooking.  She must be... cleaning.  She must be... wiping our butts.  She's never allowed to sit still and just BE. 

And when they can't find something for me to get them or for me to do... when I've preempted their attempt at being tiny little dictators... they sit at the table, fork in hand, glass of milk and glass of water in front of them, plenty of fruit so they won't run out, blanket next to them, napkin next to their plate and say:  "Hey, mama! Can you, can you, can you, can you, can you (deep breath) can you, can you, can you..." while she looks around for something, anything that she desperately needs RIGHT NOW, "... can you, can you, um... can you, can you, can you get me, can you get me, can you get me.... " her eyes light up and I know I'm screwed.  "Can you get me that steak knife so I can cut my Cheerios with it? PLEASE?" 

This And That

Hi.  How are you?  It's me... your long-lost blogging bestie.  I've missed you.  I've missed writing to you... filling your head up with all sorts of my CRAZY.  Because, I cannot be the only person hearing these words that are floating around in my mind.  Which means that you get to be a part of it. And YOU ARE SO WELCOME.

We are currently on day four of 30 posts in 30 days. No... it's not an internet movement this time, so NO NEED TO PANIC.  I've never been one to really jump on the "Hey, everybody... we're doing THIS right now!" train, so while I've loved that other people have done so in the past and wished I had their dedication, either the timing for me was not right, or, you know... there was a Duck Dynasty marathon on and priorities had to be made.  It's like choosing between checking to see if the little one has pooped her pants in the middle of the night (again), or if there's another Oreo cookie in the pantry that you missed.  Is there really even a decision to be made?

So, yea... day four but this is only the third post.  Because we've been camping and there is a caveat to the 30 posts in 30 days rule... in that if you don't have Wifi because you're in the mountains trying to make sure the kiddos don't fall face first into the fire, you can make up the post some other day.

And I thought that this lead in would give me time to figure out what I wanted to write about.  But it hasn't.  Seriously... what should I write about?

Here's a few of the things that have crossed my mind in the last few minutes.  Not all would lead to a good blog post, but I'm nothing if not thorough:

1 - I wonder if there are any Oreo's left.

2 - Camping with the girls is a BLAST.  I should write about how much closer as a family we are because the last two weekends we've gone camping... and how the girls are totally BFF's right now.  Because of camping.  And, also... S'MORES!!  But I'll probably do that later because as much fun as it was?  I'm wiped.  And the laundry needs to be done and the floors need to be mopped and... look at me!  Totally justifying being lazy about writing. 

3 - I wonder how awful going back to Crossfit is going to be after I've basically been AWOL since March?  Pretty terrible?

4 - Speaking of camping, I simply don't understand people who go camping, pull into the campsite which is clearly within earshot of neighboring campers, open up their car doors and blast music.   Seriously, guys?  Why even bother? There are plenty of high school and WalMart parking lots between your house and this campground... and if you go there, you don't end up smelling like campfire.

And this... this is where being an Amazon comes in handy.  As I was walking with the girls back to the campground after the 50th potty that day (because both girls are intrigued with pooping into a toilet that doesn't flush) a tatted out bro started up pulsating bass music from his car while his girlfriend sat by the fire (no doubt wondering how she ended up with such a winner).  It took one look at him... one stern "Do NOT make me come over there and go Red Ross on you.  Because I'll do it and it won't be pretty.  And also, my girls... they wake up early each morning.  Like... really, really early.  And I can attempt to keep them somewhat quiet... or, I can hand them some pots and pans, and point to your tent. " look.. and he quickly turned it off.

Didn't hear a noise from him for the rest of the night.

That happened.       

5 -  So, when we got the pup, we thought she was a heeler.  Then she morphed into a terrier/heeler.   She has once again morphed to a schnauser/terrier/heeler.  I can tell you that two breeds of dogs that I swore I would never have are a part of this little mutt.  She makes up for it somewhat by being a bit of a water dog, but damn, Gina!  The yipping and the nipping and the not minding me... NOT A FAN.

6 - Have recently told the girls that instead of saying poopy butt - a long established potty word in our house - they may say chicken head.  This may have been a strategic mistake.  But given that last week, both girls called a little old lady at the grocery story poopy butt... I'm willing to make concessions.

7 - Next Friday will be our 10-year anniversary.  When we were talking about it today, I had to remind Benny that when we were on our honeymoon, we made plans that on our 10-year anniversary, we would go back to Hawai'i and renew our vows.  Yea... that so didn't happen.  Because last week I was all... hey!  Ten years is coming up!  Oh, right!  Hawai'i isn't going to happen since we made that promise to each other when we had lots of money and time on our hands.  Well, what's the 10th anniversary gift?  Something diamond?  They don't make diamonds encrusted fly rods, so that's out. Maybe we can go on a date... HOW AMAZING WOULD THAT BE?

8 - Hey, did you know that I'm still an Orange Rhino?  Yep.  Haven't yelled at the kiddos since March 26th.  To be fair, I have raised my voice but when you ask a kid to put on her shoes for the 27th time that morning, and she goes into her room, and comes out with a princess dress on because she can't find her shoes... the shoes which were sitting right next to the princess dress, btw... you have to figure out a way to get the message through.  That's when you threaten that if they don't get their shoes on now, and I mean RIGHT. NOW. those princess dresses are going in the trash.  And yes... that means you'll never have princess dresses again.

It's amazing to me how quickly they find their shoes after that.

9 - Sitting in the backyard while blogging might be my best idea yet.  If I could get the damn dog to shut it.