Catching Up - Weeks 20-23

Well, hello there, internet. Miss me, much?

Yes... I know that Tweet and I have been conspicuously absent from "the series of tubes" that connects us to each other. But, I have two great excuses.

#1 - I am lazy.
#2 - There is no #2.

So, now that we've got that settled.... let's get to the nitty gritty. I guess that instead of trying to catch up on three weeks worth of events, I'll just go ahead and tell you how this last month has been.

At the beginning of the month, we found out that our little Tweet is going to cause HER daddy heartburn when she's older. Which is really only fair, since she's been causing me heartburn for the last 6 months. And acid reflux.

ACID. REFLUX.

DO YOU PEOPLE KNOW ABOUT ACID REFLUX? Honestly, this may just be the worst thing IN THE WORLD. The week after our ultrasound, I started feeling nauseous again and called to ask my doc if I could still take the meds she gave me in the first trimester. Sight unseen, she told me I should just go grab some Zantac, and if I don't feel better within a day, to come in.

Well... obviously, this woman doesn't know me well enough. Because while I will battle a common cold every now and then, I'm more of an "exotic" disease person... you know, like whooping cough? Maybe a little scarlet fever thrown in for color?

So acid reflux? Please. I LAUGH IN THE FACE OF ACID REFLUX. My symptoms are so. much. worse. than acid reflux could ever be. Besides, I may have been known to pass judgment on people who have acid reflux. True story. Like, seriously... who vomits for no reason?

Apparently, I DO. Because after one day on my new miracle drug (and current leading candidate for my new best friend), I no longer wanted to die. And I started to think that Benny's voice might not make me want to tear my ears off and throw them at him. The sun started shining again and I decided that perhaps I could get out of bed and shower. Maybe shave my armpits, comb my hair and stop kicking the dog? It could be a banner day, if we're not careful.

The miracle of Zantac happened just in time for Benny and I to take a trip to San Diego for the annual Running of the Kohls. Also known as the Kohl Family Reunion. I prefer the Running of the Kohls, though... because it's AWESOME.

On the way to the airport, I mentioned to Benny that my hands felt a little swollen. Like maybe I'd run a marathon with my arms down the whole way. I even went so far as to hold them up in front of my face, like I had just scrubbed in for surgery. When I mentioned this to my family, one of the veteran mama's in the group asked if my rings still fit.

Well... of course they do! I'm sure the sensation of the swelling was purely that... SENSATION. Nothing to worry about. Here... I'll show you.

And this is when I broke down and cried because the ring barely came off my finger... and that was only after liberally applying sunblock lotion to my hands to encourage the process. It still hasn't been back on because I'm afraid that the skin will grow around it, eventually processing the metal as part of my body and then not only will I have fat hands and ankles, but now I don't have a wedding ring at all.

Holy. Crap. I'm. HUGE.

So... yea. At 6 months, I not only have grown out of all but one pair of shoes, my rings no longer fit. And here I am in Utah of all places... six months pregnant, no wedding band.... tsk, tsk, TSK. I can feel the disapproving glare of the woman at the McDonald's drive thru... but really her only job is to make my small ice cream cone big, but still at the cost of a small... so she can glare all she wants. She knows I could take her if necessary. Has she SEEN my ankles? They don't make them that big without a reason, ya know.

*Ahem*

While we were in San Diego with the fam, I made sure to slather on the sunblock and wear a hat (aka: Shade Machine) so that I didn't end up with pregnancy induced sun spots. I was doing really well with my plan of keeping my face out of the sun... until I fell asleep on the beach with my hat over my face. Forty-five minutes later... I awoke with a snort (cuz that's my style in front of Benny's family) and a waffle patterned suntan on my face. So, I earned a giant FAIL that day. I think I evened it out enough the following day to not be too noticable to anyone but myself, though.

And really... that nap was So. Worth. It. Partly because it signified that I'd finally made the mental switch from real life to vacation... where naps on the beach are not a privledge, but a right... but mostly because I knew it was the last time I'd be able to nap on the beach in a long, long, LONG time.

Benny was also able to savor his last pre-fatherhood nap on the beach. Although... for some reason, his nap looked more like a pass-out-where-you-are-standing. But, maybe that's just me. All I know is he didn't end up with a waffle-pattern suntan on his face. So, maybe that's how I roll next year.


San Diego was just so much fun. I couldn't have asked for a better vacation. The sun was shining for the most part, the only sunburn I dealt with was a section on both of my thighs that somehow managed to avoid even a drop of sunblock... don't ask me how, we spent quality time with family and the Tweet got her very first dunk in the ocean. Benny and I spent some time catching waves (Benny) and bouncing up and down in the water like a floating blimp (that would be me). We saw a pod of dolphins feeding just off shore, and the little Bird Nerd in me was quick to pull out my bird bible and check off all the different birds we saw... which included an osprey (AN OSPREY!) and a black skimmer.

This means nothing to all of you, but trust me on this.... HUGE FINDS.

A few pics from the week in Sunny Diego.

Helen was a big fan of the belly.

The Shade Machines in action.

We had a similar picture taken of us at this same spot 10 years ago...
I may have put on a little bit of baby weight since then.

Check out that form! Superman's still got it!

Remember when no one believed me about the cat with thumbs?
EXHIBIT A.
Ironically, Rusty's not as good a fisherman as you would expect with those things.

Avery and me. Is she not just the cutest little niece EVER?

Catching some zzzz's on the beach.

Hey... who's that little pasty dude in the group?

Helen and the boys digging a hole.

Whoever can pick out Benny in this pic wins a dinner with Rusty.
Don't worry. He'll hitchhike his way to
your house AND your heart.

We miss San Diego... but it's nice to be home in our own bed. Packing for the trip out there was kinda tough... because I knew that the body pillow must make the cut, or someone was going to end up bloody by the end of the week. So, I skimped a bit on the amount of clothes I brought and stuffed the 6-foot pillow into my suitcase. Verdict? TOTALLY. WORTH IT.

However, that first night the pillow did absolutely nothing to quell the pain from where Tweet was busy tatooing her name on my liver. With her elbows. Only, she spells it: Tweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeettttttt!!!! And then I want to die. She and I are going to have a serious talk about her behavior en utero when she's old enough to understand that although we joke about it from time to time... the liver is NOT evil and SHOULD NOT be destroyed, mkay?

Symptoms
- It's possible that a couple of times this month I had some emotional outbursts. Whether it was a commercial for the ASPCA showing those sad, sad faces of kittens and puppies who JUST WANT A HOME, or the fact that I lost my mind while searching for an ice pack the other day, and frozen bacon, frozen fruit and popsicles be DAMNED. It's possible that I cried during the commercial, and then started throwing things while looking for the ice pack. No one was hurt, luckily. But Benny did slink out of the kitchen rather quietly after that.

- Besides the pain in the liver, I've developed a huge knot on the left side of my middle back. It's about the size of a softball and the massage therapist spent 45 minutes of my hour session last week trying to work it loose. That was no fun at all. It's possible that we may have entered the uncomfortable part of the pregnancy. Or, as I like to call it: The Ninth Realm of Hell.

- The kidneys are working double-time and I usually get about 45 minutes of sleep each night before I have to go pee again. THIS IS FUN. Really. The only thing that makes it better is that Benny has started to have sympathy pees in the middle of the night, so he has to get up and pee, as well. Which actually works against me because as soon as I hear him stirring to get up, my bladder goes into Code Red.

- While I keep feeling Tweet kick throughout the day, what's been really cool is to be able to feel her position through touch. This morning, Benny's pretty sure he found a knee. Which is entirely possible because later today, she was kicking my liver and throwing bowling balls at my round ligament. I told Benny that if he REALLY wanted to feel a part of this pregnancy, he needed to let someone kick him in the groin, while simultaneously stabbing him in the liver. He said that was rude. And I was all: I KNOW!!!!!!!!!!


Complaints
- It is really, really, REALLY hot in the house right now. Lucky for me, Benny has had enough of the complaining and the nagging, and is going to start the swamp cooler for me tonight! Woo-hoo!

- I'm having trouble maneuvering bathroom stalls now. It's not just a simple in and out with the belly leading the way. This is something I never considered being a problem. Newsflash: IT IS.

Cravings
- I think my cravings are leaning to the salty side right now... perhaps explains the swollen fingers and toes, right?

- WATERMELON!!!!

Smells I Can't Stand
- Benny opened a can of corn the other day... I walked past the closed refrigerator and gagged. Turns out, this is a smell that's going to haunt me this entire pregnancy.

- I'm considering petitioning the airlines not to allow peanuts on any flight for the next four months or so. I almost vomited right on Benny's lap on the way home from San Diego. PEOPLE! They offer peanuts OR cookies! Choose the cookies! Save the sanity of this pregnant woman, if just for this flight!

- Turns out that vinegar is now a no-no in the House (or other eating establishment) That Jaynee Is Pregnant In. We discovered this a while ago, but I was sent over the edge a couple of weeks ago while at a local restaurant. The table next to us ordered a Greek Salad... and not even reprising my childhood role as a mouth-breather made it better.

Bonus Features
- My cousin told me the other day that I was a cute pregnant. She just made my LIFE.

- Benny tells me I'm a cute pregnant whenever he gets the chance. Which just made my marriage.

- Benny got the nursery all painted and ready for population. We've had so many thoughtful friends and family sending us so many beautiful gifts. Momo and her fam sent this AWESOME blanket, quilt and matching burp cloths to us right before we left for San Diego:


I'm not sure if Tweet will ever get to use it, though. It's so soft and I'm just that selfish that I might just keep it for myself! Thanks MoMo!!!

My mom - the first-time Grandma-To-Be - has been outdoing herself in the blanket department. She showed up this weekend with a new receiving blanket and matching burp clothes.

Seriously... could this be any more precious? CHECK OUT THE BIRDS ON THERE!

Quick question, though... all these burp cloths.... are you all telling me that babies burp a lot?

Week 23!!!