They Don't Tell You About This In The Books

Memorial Day weekend was a four-day weekend for both Benny and I. And we celebrated the holiday by DOING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. And it was awesome.

Well, it was awesome until Monday morning when I woke up to a beautiful day and thought to myself: "Self? We haven't talked in a while. Why don't we do something awesome and yet not so smart at the same time?"

Hence my suggestion to Benny that we hike up Waterfall Canyon... along with the rest of the State of Utah. I'll admit... just walking to the trail head that's about a 1/2 mile from our house, I started to have second thoughts. It was getting warm... (almost 68 degrees at 10 a.m., Shane). And, the hike to Waterfall isn't for the faint of heart. Or the fat of butt. Nevermind that there were 4-year-olds running up the thing. And parents carrying their newborns. And a man with a cane.

And, yes... for your info, they all passed us. Because yours truly was hiking on the equivalent of a 1/2 ankle and apparently, the fetus in. ma. belly! is not so much into vertical climbs.

Either that or I'm just totally out of shape. But we'll go with the former excuse, rather than the latter.

Anyhoo... I make fun only because I care. And because I can. And because the waterfall was AMAZING. I've lived in O-Town for 14 years now and have never seen it this powerful. It was roaring. Of course, being the Boy Scouts (always prepared) that Benny and I are, we forgot the camera, so no pics were taken that day.

Luckily for us, though, we did NOT forget the water. And, on the way down, that water didn't forget us because Little Miss Can't Hold Her H2O had to take a detour so I could pee in private. Just me, the birds, the bees, the sagebrush... oh, and that helicopter that just flew over my head. Apparently the old man with the cane took a bit of a tumble. (Thanks to our friend Mike who got pics of the helicopter leaving... great pics!)

All in all, it was a great hike. I got to see my first Lazuli Bunting, and identified (incorrectly, at first) the call of a Black-Headed Grossbeak. I know this means nothing to the majority of you, but trust me that this little bird-nerd went right home and marked it in her bird book.

That night, the 4-mile hike came back to haunt me in a big way. Have I mentioned the Round Ligament before?

No? The Round Ligaments surround your uterus in your pelvis. As the uterus grows during pregnancy, the ligaments stretch and thicken to accommodate and support it. Some women feel the pain in their abdomen and it's usually sharp, intense and over quickly.

Not me. No... see, I like to get the most out of my Round Ligaments. Really make them earn their name. MY pain is in the groin area... if you were to trace it, it would be right about the area that a really, really, REALLY inappropriately high-cut, Brazilian-style bikini would sit. And it's a constant, dull ache.

Supposedly, you get the pain if you've overdone it. Like, say, go for a walk? Cuz... wow... EASY NOW. We're not Superheros. Can't be doing crazy things like WALKING while we're pregnant. Cuz we might end up NOT looking like the Goodyear Blimp at 5 months. And we can't have that.

So, yea... the hike did not please the Round Ligaments. Neither did the walk around the neighborhood the next morning to show the ligaments who was boss. (Hint: It's apparently not me). I have been waddling around for the last two days because my yoo-hoo was barking. And don't nobody want a barking yoo-hoo, now, do they?

I cannot believe I'm supposed to push another human being out of this in another 4 months or so. IT CANNOT BE DONE!