Bump Watch - 24 Weeks

Week 24 was an interesting week. For starters, the acid reflux - which had been, for the most part, controlled by the miracle that is Zantac - kicked things up a notch. The directions for Zantac say that you should take it every 12 hours... but my body was demanding a dose every 9-10 hours. Which made waking up in the morning super fun. Take my word for it... waking up from the feeling of vomit in the back of your throat does NOT make for a great day.

Luckily, at our 24 week check-up, my doc - who I shall call Dr. MyNewBestFriend - listened to my complaints about the acid reflux and wrote me a prescription for something stronger. Oh, and did I mention that it's PRESCRIPTION? Which means that I can get like 50 of them for $8. Cha-Ching!

This week, Tweet started testing out the legs a little bit... which resulted in some seriously sweet and lovable kicks. My secret pleasure out of this whole pregnancy (besides the "I will have dessert anytime and anywhere I want because I'm pregnant" card that I carry around in my purse) are these movements that I feel from time to time. Trust me that nothing makes me feel more bonded to my baby girl than these soft (and sometimes NOT. SO. SOFT) movements. If we could just train her to stay away from my liver, things would be even better!!

A couple of times Benny was able to share in this joy when he happened to have his hand on the belly and she gave a good kick... like she was telling him: "Hey Papa! I'm here! And the nursery looks GREAT!"

I'm savoring these moments because it's just something that only Benny and I get to know about and feel. But I know that there will come a time... possibly in the very near future... that she'll be moving around so much that even the stranger ahead of me in the line at the grocery store will get to feel her move... and that just can't compare to the secret that I'm carrying around in my heart and my belly right now.

We had some excitement in the house this week when the LaPan's and their pups moved in for a few days. It was so great to hang out with them on their "vacation". Benny took them - er... destroyed them? ran them into the ground? made them cry? - on a massive hike up to Malan's Peak on July 3rd. I've never been up there, but Benny's promised that once Tweet's born and the weather warms up, he's taking us both up. After I saw the Lapan's, Supa, Emily and the dogs stumble back to the house that day, though... I may be having second thoughts.

The next day, we all hiked Waterfall Canyon. Er... they hiked and I had their dog Abby pull me up. It was beautiful and I'm glad that I did it. And if I had a camera that didn't get stage fright every time a good pic was to be had, I could have really taken some awesome pics.

And, as expected, my round ligament (or as Shane likes to call it: my rubber band) was barking that night. But it was totally worth it.

That night, we went down to SLC to hang out with the Supa's and listened to the fireworks all over the city. But don't feel bad for us... I mean, the 4th of July is only one of thousands of celebrations that Utah has in the summer months where it's citizen's get to either enjoy a good showing of things getting blown up, or cut out the middle man and simply blow stuff up on their own. Trust me... we've got until Aug. 3rd until this madness stops.

In fact, the next night, our neighbors invited us over to watch their kids set off Costco fireworks in the middle of the street, so Tweet got to experience her first fireworks show in an intimate setting surrounded by friends and family. Very cool.

Tweet also got to experience her mother's skillful gardening hand that day, and may I just say: Jaynee 2, Crabgrass 0? Oh, and may I also apologize to the thorny bushes that I may have gone overboard on trimming? What can I say? This is why Benny doesn't let me do his hair. The good news is, like his hair, the bushes will (probably... eventually) grow back. Until then, may I again remind you: Jaynee 2, Crabgrass 0!!!

I started yoga this week and have to admit that it's pretty cool. First, I'm in the class by myself. It's like I have my own personal yogini... all for $10. Secondly, when I got in the Cobbler's position and looked down I was BLOWN AWAY with how big the belly is. I cannot believe it will get bigger. And yes, yes... I know all of you out there are getting ready to comment: "Oh, girl... YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH WORSE IT CAN GET." But, please... just let me have this moment in my fantasy world of "It won't get bigger than this, it can't get bigger than this. I need a doughnut."

The yoga class was great, and I intend to keep going until my baby girl greets the world with a healthy scream.

Until then...

Symptoms
- I am running a teeny, TINY bit hot. Luckily, Benny got right on the swamp cooler at the first sign of me complaining about it and now we keep our house cold enough to hang meat. Poor Benny.... he's so cold all the time right now. I've nicknamed him Ice Cube after he jumped in bed the other night and I had to cuddle up next to him because I'm pretty sure he had just come from the North Pole and was just the right temp for me. He also hates getting out of bed in the morning, because apparently it's really cold. Offensively so. I'm not sure I believe this but that's why God invented sweatshirts, right?

- Still with the constant peeing? Yep.

- If I'm even a minute late taking my Zantac, I want to die.

Complaints
- My feet are just plain huge right now. And dry. No amount of lotion will fix this. The hands are still swollen as well... but I've managed to get my ring back on. I felt naked without it.

- Learning how to maneuver with this new body is HARD. Every day seems to bring a new experience on how my body continues to grow outside my security zone.

- Workout clothes that fit a month ago are NO BUENO now. When we hiked up to Waterfall, I wore the exact same outfit as when we hiked it on Memorial Day. The pics that I saw of myself were distressing. I'm THAT pregnant woman... the one who keeps trying to fit into her pre-pregnancy workout clothes. Time for an update to the workout apparel. GREAT. More. Money.

Cravings
- There is seriously not enough watermelon in the world to satisfy me.

- Prescription-strength Zantac.

Smells I Can't Stand
- Still with the corn? Yep. And the peanuts? Yep. And the vinegar? You betcha.

Bonus Features
- Benny was able to get out of work on Wednesday for our 24-week appointment. We got to hear the heartbeat again and the doc says that Tweet is growing perfectly.

- Tweet gave a big hard kick the other day... big enough to make Benny's hand jump!

- Yoga helped tremendously and I'm continually surprised that I'm not having more back pain than I have. Given my history with siatica and hip movement, I've been expecting this to be a problem. Cross your fingers because it hasn't yet! Woo-hoo!

- My hair is so shiny and full right now... and it's not falling out!!

Week 24

To My Girls

Jaynee and I are scheduled to meet with our doctor tomorrow for our 24-week checkup. They plan to listen to Tweet's precious little heart beat, measure her growth and check on Jaynee's overall health. I love going to our appointments because we always leave with new information, and we tend to make that information the center of our attention for the next four weeks. That is, until we meet with our doctor again and she gives new information on the health of our baby girl.

As the father I find it easy, especially during the early months of the pregnancy, to feel left out of the process. I'll never get to experience the emotions of being a mother, and I'll always have a different kind of bond with our children. This certainly doesn't make my role as a father less important. Quite the contrary in fact. But it does make our experience different.

I'm not sure what other expectant fathers feel during pregnancy, but I know that I've felt a deep desire to prove myself worthy of fatherhood. To prove not only to myself, but to Jaynee and our unborn Tweetie Pie that I have everything it takes to be a wonderful father.

Early in our pregnancy I made a vow that I wouldn't miss a single doctors appointment. I made that vow partly to keep myself involved in our pregnancy, but also to prove to myself, to Jaynee and to Tweet that I'd always be there for them, which is why my latest decision was so difficult to make.

Tomorrow is our 24-week appointment and I'm going to miss it. Why, you ask? Because I MUST work. There is a project at work that requires my attention. I've struggled with this decision since I found out about the conflict. I had hoped desperately that the conflict would resolve itself, but alas, it hasn't.

This was a really difficult decision for me to make. On one hand, I want to keep my commitment to myself and to my family. I want to be involved in the pregnancy every step of the way. I want prove to my girls that I will be there for them when they need me. But on the other hand, I know in my heart that my girls KNOW that I will always be there when they need me, and that I have everything it takes to be a wonderful father. I also know there is a lesson to be learned from this difficult decision.

As much as I want to believe that I'll always be by their side, there will be days that I will fall short. There WILL be days that I will fail as a father. I hate this realization and I hate having to make this decision.

On one hand, I hate choosing work over my girls. I hate missing a single moment of our pregnancy. I hate being absent when Jaynee wants my support. I hate the fact that Jaynee will hear her heartbeat by herself. I hate the fact that Jaynee will feel excitement and joy about our little girl, but she won't have anyone to share it with. I hate making this decision. I hate, I hate, I hate!

I hate missing out on our little girls life!!!!!!!!

I'm beside myself about this decision. But at the same time, I know there will be times when I MUST work. I know there will be times that I can't be there. I know there are going to be more important times when I MUST be there. I know that despite my absence at the appointment tomorrow that I am, and always will be a wonderful father. I know this is a simple decision, and I know the consequences of my decision will affect me and me only. But for some reason, these facts don't make this decision any easier, which is why I have chosen to re-state my committment to Tweet and Jaynee.

To my girls, whom I love and cherish with all of my heart, I make this commitment; there will be times that I am late and times when I am absent, but when the moment comes and you need me most, I promise to love you, to cherish you, to guide you and support you.

I am your father and your husband, ALWAYS. Though I may be late, or at times absent, you can always count on my love. My love is yours to hold, to cherish and to share. I give you this gift not because I have to, but because I want to. My heart compels me to give of myself for the betterment of you. You are my wife and my daughter, ALWAYS.

May my heart and my love be with you, ALWAYS.

Our New Normal

As an expectant father I've been told countless times that "your life will change forever." I'm not sure why, but this seems to be the most common advice we receive. Perhaps it's the magnitude of the change that makes this advice so worthy of sharing? Or the awkward silence it seems to fill while people reminisce their pre-child freedom. No matter the reason, this tidbit of advice seems ever-relevant and worthy of dispensing ad nauseum.

While I appreciate and invite advice from family and friends, I must admit that I'm frustrated by the topic of "change". Jaynee and I, unlike some procreating couples, considered our decision to start a family very seriously. I won't discuss our reasoning here, but suffice to say that we knew our decision would require change and that our lives would never be the same. We know that our future holds more uncertainty than ever. But in spite of that change and uncertainty, we decided to have Tweet. In other words, as much as is possible, we are ready for the change and uncertainty that lies ahead. Let me explain.

Jaynee and I have lived wonderful lives. Most importantly, we've lived wonderful lives together. Our marriage has been nothing short of euphoria. We love each other more than we ever thought possible. We often wonder why we're so blessed to have each other, then wonder if life can possibly get any better. Then along comes Tweet and our lives seem to get better and better each day. Each day seems a little different that the last, but more importantly and without fail, today is always better than yesterday.

For those who know me well, this constant euphoria is the backbone of my belief. I believe with all my heart that happiness in life is infinitely and positively linear. This means there is no limit to our happiness, no limit to our dreams and no limit to our love.

Perhaps you agree with me, or perhaps you don't. But one thing remains; the happiness in my life, in Jaynee's life, in our marriage, and soon in Tweet's life is infinitely and positively linear. However, this pattern of linearity will require change. For today to be better than yesterday, then today MUST be different than yesterday.

So yes, when Tweet arrives our lives will inevitably change. Our lives "will never be the same." But as many of you have said, "life will change for the better." We know in our hearts that Tweet is an outward manifestation of our happiness, our dreams and our love. She is the twinkle in the light of our future and our happiness.

With that said, we welcome this change with our hearts and arms wide open. Tweet has found her way into our hearts, and each day we dream of the day when she finds her way into our arms. So for those that have offered us advice, I offer you this:

You are right.

When Tweet arrives our lives will never be the same, because our arms will finally be filled with the love that is in our hearts. For this reason we welcome the change and uncertainty that lies ahead. Let there be no doubt, there will be struggle beyond measure and heartache without limits, but in the end our hapiness and the happiness of Tweet will be infinitely and positively linear.

So when we welcome Tweet into our arms, may she be happy beyond measure, filled with boundless dreams and blessed with limitless love.

This is my only desire. This is all I ask for my darling daughter.

I love you Tweet and I look forward to holding you in my arms.