Thursday, April 15, 2010

Maybe If I Talk About It, It Won't Happen

Dear Hazel,
We're calling today's installment: What Scares Mommy These Days?

Besides, you know, the idea of you choking or not waking up in the morning, or waking up in a big old pile of poopy. Yea... all those things scare me. But the thing about all of those things? They're real. They COULD happen. In one case, they HAVE happened (and it took both Mommy and Daddy to clean it up in the middle of the night). And they're logical to be frightened of for your baby girl.

But, your Mommy, while she may be rather logical at times... she can also swing to the other side of the chart and be completely, brain-meltingly, kick-herself-in-the-face-and-then blame-Daddy-for-it illogical.

Which is a good way to segue into my real fear: That a spider will crawl into your ear at night, lay an egg sac and when it hatches, you will have baby spiders crawling into your brain... out of your ears... into your eyes, into your nose and into your mouth. And you will, in fact, choke and not wake up in the morning. See? All of the other logical fears? Somehow, through my illogical mind doing what it does best (and that is imagining spiders that favor babies eardrums as a nesting spot) has made them THAT MUCH MORE LIKELY TO HAPPEN.

You have no idea how much I think about something like this, or a variation of the spider theme, happening to my sweet baby girl.

It's possible that Mommy saw a spider the other day and thought: "OMG... that thing could totally crawl into Hazel's ear! I must kill it now!" Even though it was at the office, nowhere near you.

And do you have any idea how many times in the last few months I've woken your father up in a panic because I was worried that we had rolled on you in our sleep (which is why you, my dear, sleep in a crib and not with Mommy and Daddy), or because a giant spider was on its way to come eat you? In the last six months? HUNDREDS OF TIMES.

See, this dream... this is not new. When I was a child, I had a recurring dream that a giant spider was holding me hostage at the top of the stairs while my dad was pointing a gun at it telling it to let me go. AS IF YOU CAN REASON WITH A GIANT SPIDER. A giant grasshopper, maybe. A giant spider? Not so much. You can't reason with a being with eight legs and giant teeth, Hazey. They can't be trusted.

I come by my spider phobia honestly, Hazey. I guess I'm telling you this now so that when you're 5 and have to take care of the little brown spider that has cornered Mommy in the bathroom, you'll understand.


1 comment:

Kelly said...

O Jaynee, I totally am right there with you on the spider phobia. I am deathly afraid! One time last spring I saw one crawling in Cooper's closet and tried to kill it. Every time I smashed it with a shoe I let out a little scream and I ended up scaring Cooper. Poor Cooper. I hope my behavior doesn't make Cooper afraid of spiders too.