Sunday, June 28, 2009

The First of Many Sleepless Nights

It's nearly midnight. I've been lying in bed for an hour but I can't seem to fall asleep.

What can I say, I have a lot on my mind. First and foremost, Tweet is on my mind. A short time ago she was merely a dream. Just a twinkle in my eye. But tonight, like many nights prior and many nights to come, my dreams of fatherhood keep me from sleeping.

I'm stirred by a question that a good friend asked me recently; "Ben, are you ready to be a father?" My answer was a resounding "YES!" I AM ready to be Tweet's father. I don't think I'll ever be fully prepared for what lies ahead, but I do believe with all my heart, all of my soul and all of my love, that I am ready to be her father. I may not fully understand the sleepless nights, the messy diapers nor the fundamental changes that lie ahead, but I understand the love that is in my heart.

It is this love that keeps me awake at night. The yearning in my heart that can't be quelled. An impulse that draws my hand to Jaynee's. A desire to tell her that I love her, to thank her for the life that she has given me, for the life that lies ahead, and the daughter that we will bring into this world. Tonight, I feel an unmatched emotion that compels me to reach for her tummy. Just one more touch before I say goodnight. One last connection with the woman of my dreams. One last connection with the daughter I've never met, yet love so much.

This is the joy that keeps me from sleeping. The joy of fatherhood. The joy of fatherhood to be. Fatherhood is a role I've never experienced, but my heart tells me that I'm ready. My heart tells me that love is all I need.



Jodi said...

That is very sweet Ben. You are going to be a fantastic father. I am so happy for you both.

Supalinds said...

Seriously, you made me cry at work. Dang you. Benny, this is why we all love you so much!