Party Of 4

Dear Hazel,
Tonight is your last night as an only child. We spent the night playing and snuggling.  I can't help but get a little teary-eyed and nostalgic when I think about how much your life is going to change and how hard it's going to be for you to adjust. 

Please know that when we had you, we always knew that we wanted you to have a brother or sister.  It's not that you weren't enough for our family.  It's that we love you so much we wanted you to have a sibling.  And we loved that sibling so much (even before we met them) that we knew the best gift we could give her was an older sister like you. 

In short, the two of you will complete our family.  We will soon be a family of four.  And you will soon be a Big Sister.  With all of the responsibilities that come with being the oldest.  Yea... I'm sorry about THAT part.  I know all too well what it's like to be the oldest... what it's like to be the guinea pig.  But, I think that you've got the character to handle it. 

I hope that this change in your world doesn't cause too much stress for you.  And I hope that you love your little sister as much as we love you.  And I hope that the two of you will be best friends and that our little family will be as happy with two as we are with just you! 

Thank you for being such a sweet little girl that we decided we wanted to risk our sanity and have another one. 

Please never forget that we love you and always will. 

Our last night as a family of three.

February 20, 2011

Love, 

Mama

Bump Watch - Weeks 34-36

Dear Squirt,
Well... we're officially on the countdown.  Only 25 more days until your arrival!  I can't tell you how much we are looking forward to it.  Or how much we've discussed what to name you.  We've had several "helpful" suggestions from friends and family, and I think now is a perfectly good time to document some of the names that have been ruled out... or vetoed immediately.

- Pearl
- Juanita
- Agnes
- Millicent (your Daddy had a spit-take when I pulled that one out.)
- Zoey (we both love the name, but you have a second-cousin by that name)
- Lila (again... love the name, but cousins already beat us to it!)

Those are just a few of the many, MANY names that have been thrown at us (or by us) in the last couple of months.  I think that the name we're most comfortable with is going to be perfect and I've already been calling you by it just to test it out.  It seems to work!

We went to our doctor's appointment yesterday and got to see that you are head down (right on my bladder) with your bummy shoved up into my ribs and your feet kicking whatever organs are left on the right side of my body.  This has led to the reemergence of waddling.  Which is never a good sign.  And the bummy in the ribs  is constantly leaving me out of breath.  But right now, it's the head on the bladder that's driving me batty.  I don't remember having to pee this much with your sister.  And sometimes it's a total false alarm.  I don't like those at 3 a.m., sweetie.

My friend Sarah came to visit last weekend.  She's pregnant, too.  About 29 weeks in this pic, I believe.

 35 Weeks!

But, as you can see... I win.  In the belly AND the hair department.  Good grief!  Who lets their wife go out like that?

Your nursery is about 90% complete. I finally ordered the wall decals and Daddy and I put them up tonight.  It's super cute and when the room is finally finished, we'll post pics. Just a quick FYI... we took so much care with Hazel's nursery when she was still in utero... everything had to match.  With you?  Well, we got real.  And we scored a free crib.  So you're getting Hazel's old changing table and dresser... still the nicest piece of furniture in the house... and she's going to have to settle for a new dresser that may or may not match the rest of her room.  But honestly?  Who cares?  Do I really think that it's going to upset her if her dresser is white and her crib is dark?  I will not raise a diva.  I. Will. Not.  And you won't care, either, that your dresser is dark and your crib is light.  You wanna know why?  Because there are bigger issues in the world.

Issues like the fact that Mommy needs to use the bathroom right now because you keep head-butting my bladder. 

You've gotten the hiccups quite regularly and it's one of those things that I get to share with you... and no one else knows.  It's kind of fun.  And Daddy finally got to feel you move the other night.  The first time he's gotten that opportunity. You've been moving around a lot more at night, so I guess I can kiss my dream of having a baby that automatically sleeps at night GOOD-BYE.

We are so excited for you to join our little family.  We're even more excited to see if we can actually do it better this time.  Because if you don't know by now, we were pretty much ginormous screw ups when we brought your older sister home.  I truly don't know how she survived those first few weeks with us.  But, she taught us a ton... which we hope we can put to good use on you!

I remember the night Hazel was born... right after delivery when your Daddy was giving her her first "bath".  I remember sitting there... coming down off of all the drugs... and being completely stunned. 

Stunned that we'd finally done it.  Stunned that there was actually this little person that had come out of me and that I was somehow supposed to take care of for the rest of her life.  Stunned at all of the emotions swirling around me.  And stunned that our coupledome was officially over.  Our life... as we knew it... would never be the same.  Of course I thought about that pre-delivery.  Even thought about it pre-pregnancy.  But it doesn't sink in until you're sitting there in a hospital bed, on top of an ice pack with two Tucks pads in your undies and after having a nurse help you to the bathroom so that you can lose whatever is left of your dignity... all while watching the man you love tenderly wash the sore head of your baby for the first time. 

You always think you're ready.  You're not.  And I'm sure that we won't be completely ready for you to make our threesome a foursome.  But we're way more prepared mentally for whatever changes you bring into our lives.  And are so looking forward to it. 

Goodnight, Squirt.  Sleep safe and tight in there for a few more weeks.  We already love you.  And will forever. 

Love,
Mama

Early To Bed... Early To Rise????

Dear Hazel,
Today was a banner day for us. Last night, you slept for six hours again, and then after your 4 a.m. feeding, went down for another 4 hours. Amazing! Even more amazing? You didn't have a big feeding at 8:30, so you fed again at 10:30 and actually took an hour-long nap after that! In your crib! YOUR CRIB!!! With no crying when I put you down. No needing me to sing you a folk song while walking circles around the living room and kitchen.

When you woke up, I took you to Costco and the bank... and you promptly fell asleep after only 15 minutes of crying in the car seat. And then you slept for 4.5 hours. UNHEARD OF, Hazel. When you finally woke up, you were ravenous. And I couldn't blame you. I mean, it had been almost 6 hours since your last feeding.

Daddy got home and played with you for a bit and around 6:45, you started to get a little fussy. We couldn't really figure out what was wrong other than your general evening fussiness, so Daddy put you in the swing, covered you with a blanket and stuck the binkie in your mouth, securing it against the blanket.

And. You. Were. OOOOOOT!!!

Here it is, almost three hours later, and we don't know what to do. I mean, we haven't had an evening like this since before you came into our lives. Usually at this time, we're either feeding you, consoling you for the fact that IT'S NIGHTTIME AND YOU MUST. CRY., or giving you a bath.

As it is now, I got all of our Christmas cards addressed and stamped... cleaned the kitchen, visited with a neighbor who brought over a gift for you and made fun of your Daddy for being obsessed with his new cell phone. And don't let him ever tell you he's not. And, keep in mind that being "gadgety" is just a fancy name for DORKY.

*AHEM*

So.... we are sitting here wondering what to do with you. It's clear that there's no bathtime in your future tonight. I'm wondering if you're ever going to wake up, or if you're going to spend the night in the swing. Surely you'll wake up soon. It's been four hours since your last feeding and Mommy's breasts are ready for you to wake up. FOR REAL.

I don't feel comfortable leaving you out in the living room overnight, so I may end up sleeping on the couch until you wake up. It's beginning to look like you're going to power through... maybe until midnight?

I guess the good part about this is that you've jumped face-first into an earlier bedtime? Could it have been that easy? Are you seriously just the easiest baby on the face of the planet and your father and I don't realize how good we have it? COULD IT BE THAT SIMPLE???

Love,
Mama

The Waiting Game

Well... here we are. 10:17 p.m. Thursday night.

No contractions.

No labor.

No rush to the hospital.

No Tweet.

But... also, no more contagious Benny! So, I guess we've got that going for us.

So, we've held on to Tweet (or, rather... she stuck to the game plan) for a few days longer than anticipated. Benny took the last of his three days of shots and we'll find out tomorrow morning if he has to go in for some more aggressive treatment if he doesn't feel markedly better.

Also, tomorrow we get to go to the doc and check my dialation to see if I've made any progress. And will likely get a cervical balloon inserted (sounds pleasant, doesn't it?) to stimulate dialation. Man, sometimes being a woman ABSOLUTELY ROCKS.

Today was more sitting around waiting for something to happen. I took my mind off the minutes ticking slowly past by getting some work done, watching a little CSI - NY (not as good as CSI: Miami, btw... but it'll work in a pinch) and updating my Facebook status with little known facts about the dog.

For instance, did YOU know that my dog can clear a room... simply by existing? She doesn't even have to pass gas. It's just this odor that follows her around. I've got a theory that it's her skin and a friend of mine has turned me on to a kind of dog food that will supposedly help with that. Of course, it's more expensive... THAT'S HOW YOU KNOW IT'LL WORK, RIGHT???

Seriously... I grew up on a farm with outdoor dogs that were never bathed. Were never shaved. And routinely got in battles with skunks... not to mention the rolling around in deer, fish and chicken carcass. And none of those dogs ever smelled one-tenth as bad as my dog does two hours after a bath and shave with her only visits to the outside world being to pee and eat. It's really quite the phenomenon.

But, I digress. Benny and I are so over the waiting right now. We're ready to move on to the next phase of our life.

Throughout the last 40 weeks and 4 days (but who's counting) everyone we've talked to has said the exact same thing: Your life is going to change forever. (Or some variance of that statement.)

Um... yea. We kinda knew that going in to it. It was kind of the point, you know?

I know that people only mean well by telling us this but, honestly... it gets a bit old. We know it's going to change. We know it's going to be hard... the hardest thing we'll ever do. We know that we'll never sleep as well as we are currently used to. And that's OK! We didn't decide to have a child on a whim. It's not like we didn't have several deep discussions on what we wanted out of life and when we wanted it and how we were going to go about starting our family. Tweet isn't a surprise. We knew we wanted Tweet before we even knew Tweet was here.

And these last few days have only solidified that, YEA!!! Let's get ON WITH IT ALREADY!!

I've been trying to be zen about the whole thing. I really have. I've spent the last couple of days watching the birds feeding at the bird feeders and sitting on my rocking chair on the front porch and watching the world go by, trying to take as much of it in as I can so that I can remember when I had time to myself without a screaming baby or a rebellious teenager turning my attention elsewhere. And it turns out... even with the thought of not having those moments as often as I do now, I still can't wait to be a Mommy.

Carrie sent me an amazing email the other day... one that I will keep forever. In it she talked about Mommyhood and the pressures that come with it. And I must admit, I've been thinking about what kind of mom I am going to be... and have been concerned that I'll fall way short of what other moms do for their kids. I'm not a crafty person. I'm just not. And I'm not much of a cook. And, I really have a hard time relating to kids. I've never even changed a diaper for the love of Pete! And I doubt I'm one of those women who just fall into motherhood naturally and who seem like they're Wonderwoman... cooking dinner, doing the laundry, keeping the house clean, playing with the kids and teaching them about life.

But Carrie... she must have somehow known because in her email was a paragraph that hit me like a brick to the face:

"I'll never be a mom like my mom who sews and bakes bread and keeps up with laundry and cleans every speck of dust, but those things aren't all that important to me. It took me a while to discover, that's what made my mom, my mom. I'm a mom who takes my kids hiking and on adventures, makes art projects, frosts cookies, and leaves the laundry until it is piled high. You'll show Tweet what is important to you and you can be whatever kind of mom you want to be."

With that one paragraph, Carrie gave me my "Aha!" moment and I'll never be able to thank her for that. I get to decide what kind of mom my children will have... and it's okay if it's not the same definition as other kids moms. I have my strengths that I'll play up and hope people don't notice so much the weaknesses.

And if I can be half the mom to Tweet that Carrie is to her kids? I'll be doing pretty well.