Wednesday, December 17, 2014

A Morning In The Green Boogers & Oatmeal Life

The most common things that come out of my mouth every weekday between 6:27 a.m. and 9 a.m.:

"It's not time to wake up yet... shhhhh!"
"We have 3 more minutes before it's wake-up time."
"If you are in Mommy and Daddy's bed, you have to be quiet."
"Ouch! Go play in your bedroom with sissy... quietly."
"No, you may not have a Fiber One bar."
"Eat your breakfast."
"No... you've had enough Wild Kratts.  Time to get ready for the day."
"Yes... it's school day."
"Oh, I know!  It's horrible. You'll survive." 
"Please get dressed."
"You have to get dressed before Mommy finishes her coffee... or Mommy picks out your outfit."
"Good job getting dressed.  Now, let's try it with the underwear under the pants."
"You look so nice! Thank you for getting dressed on your own."
"No, you cannot wear that.  It's dirty/you wore it yesterday/it's too cold outside for that."
"Did you remember underwear?"
"Did you flush?"
"Wash your hands."
"Hold on one sec... I'll be right there to wipe your bummy!"
"Don't forget to put on your socks."
"Please put on your shoes."
"Nope... wrong feet. Try again, sweetie."
"Where is your coat?"
"Because I said so."
"Stop asking why... just do it."
"Are you kidding me?"
"Stop teasing your sister."
"You can't have mac & cheese for breakfast."
"Please sit on your bummy."
"You do that again, Mommy takes your blankie/teddy bear."
"Don't carry the cat upside down by his tail!"
"Would you like ME to carry YOU that way?"
"You're missing the point."
"Come get your vitamins."
"You get what you get... and you don't throw a fit."
"Deal with it, kiddo."
"No, you can't have gummy bears for breakfast."
"Please go get in the car."
"Because I said so!"
"Brushing your hair does NOT hurt."
"Yes... if you want long hair like Rapunzel you have to stop sucking your thumb and eat your veggies."
"If you want a french braid, you have to sit still."
"You can't ask for a french braid when we're already 10 minutes late!"
"You said you wanted a french braid.  THIS is a french braid!"
"I think what you meant to say was 'thank you'."
"No... I'm done doing hair for a while until you can remember to be grateful."
"You're fine."
"Shake it off."
"You can have Cheerios... or Cheerios."
"We're out of oatmeal."
"We're also out of pancakes."
"No... those are Mommy's special fatty pancakes with whip cream.  No, you may not have them."
"Yes... you may have bacon."
"You wanted toast... that IS toast!"
"It's not nice to steal food off of anyone's plate.  EAT YOUR OWN BREAKFAST."
"The last time I got to eat all my food off my own plate was before you were born, you know that, right?"
"Next time you get out of your seat, that means you're done eating and we give Daddy-monster your breakfast."
"Go get in the car."
"Worry about yourself, please."
"No more tattling!"
"No, you can't take that toy with you."
"Because teacher will take it away."
"Because I said so."
"Where is your blankie?"
"Why are your pants on backwards?"
"Why in the world would you take your shoes off IN THE CAR ON THE WAY TO SCHOOL?"
"If you want second breakfast at school, you better hurry!"
"We're totally late... let's move!"
"I'm sorry... I don't know where the Frozen CD is."
"Stop sticking your tongue out."
"You think I can't see you?"
"Yes, I DO have eyes in the back of my head."
"Yes... I DO know everything.  Because I eat my vegetables."
"Because I said so!"
"I love you."
"What do you mean you need something for show and share?"

And that, my friends, is more words than I speak in an entire day at work.

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