Benny and I are headed to Chicago for Labor Day weekend.
Sans The Bird and The Bean.
Just the two of us. Well, four if you count the total group going. But what's important is it is ADULTS ONLY. No babes allowed.
And the question was asked of me today: "What in the world are you going to do in Chicago?" I've only been there once for work (in January... so, yea....), so I'm not really sure what there is to do in Chicago, but I'm taking a wild guess that there are plenty of things to do. And another wild guess that the city doesn't shut down on Sundays. Which will be completely new territory for us.
But, I really think that the question isn't what are we going to do. The question is, what AREN'T we going to do. (All hail to Ferris Bueller... I, too, need a day off.)
So, here it goes.
THINGS WE AREN'T. GONNA. DO. WHILST IN CHICAGO:
-Change a dirty diaper.
-Look down the back of anyone's shorts to see if they have, indeed, poopied.
-Say the word poopy.
-Ask anyone if they just went potty.
-Say the word potty.
-Order off off the kids menu.
-Wake up early.
-Wake up, period.
-Pick up after somebody.
-Pick up after ourselves. THAT'S WHAT HOUSEKEEPING IS FOR.
-Read a book cover-to-cover 15 times in one night.
-Repeatedly practice the word "fox" with someone so that it doesn't come out sounding like another F word.
-Utter the phrase: "Can you say...?"
-Negotiate. THERE WILL BE NO NEGOTIATIONS THIS WEEKEND. IT'S MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY.
-Worry about possible choking hazards or anything that's breakable in any given environment.
-Wipe anyone's nose.
-Allow someone to hand me a booger... and then thank them for it.
But, I guess to be fair and give you an accurate view of our plans this weekend, I should include the...
THINGS WE ARE GONNA DO WHILST IN CHICAGO:
-Actually finish a cup of coffee in the morning.
-Use the bathroom without someone pounding on the other side of the door.
-Sleep on the flight out.
-Arrive at our destination without the look of shell-shocked parents after a flight.
-Talk with Benny about things other than poop, pee, vomit, sleeping habits and tantrums.
-Read a book without interruption.
-Did I mention sleep?
-Enjoy a meal in a restaurant without having to wipe someones face or hands, or somehow keep them contained in their high chair without causing a scene.
-Drink whatever and however much we want without fear of an early-morning wakeup.
-Enjoy a hangover like we did pre-kids.
-Eat a hot dog without having to cut anyone's hot dog up for them first.
-Go to a baseball game and actually watch it, vs just being there for a change of scenery and wondering at the end of the night... Wait. There was a game? Who played?
-Live recklessly and put a fork or a knife near the edge of the table.
-Worry about how my kiddos are doing every second I'm gone and call them 15 times a day.